Tanks for the Memories
by MrDrP
Summary: Kim's got a kickin' car.  Now Ron wants one, too.  When his dream of wheels comes true, will it be badical ... or so the drama? Now with bonus closing scene! [COMPLETE]
1. Speed Bumps

Thanks, as always, to campy for beta and proofreading.

Leave a review, get a reply. Seriously.

If you saw it on _KP_, it belongs to Disney.

* * *

I. 

Kim looked at her BFBF. "Okay, Ron: Spill," she demanded.

"What do you mean?" the tow-headed sidekick and boyfriend of the auburn-haired teen hero asked, suddenly feeling very exposed.

"Something's got you tweaked, and it involves my car," she said, her hands on her hips and her left eyebrow cocked.

"Nah, nothing like that," he said as he nervously rubbed his neck. "Why would I mind your car? I'm cool with the car. Why wouldn't I be? I mean, you've got this car. It's a great car. A car with wheels. Bon-diggity wheels. And it flies. And it has cup-holders. Yep. Gotta love those cup-holders!"

"Uh huh. Right," Kim, clearly unconvinced, replied. "Look, Ron, I've known you since you were four and a half. You can't fool me. Now tell me what's bothering you or …"

Ron didn't like the evil grin that was forming on his BFGF's face. He feared she was about to assault him with the Puppy Dog Pout.

"… I'm declaring an embargo on those five-alarm KP kisses you say you like so much."

"Nooo!" a horrified Ron said. "You wouldn't."

"I have lips and I'm prepared to not use them," she said smugly.

"Fine. Have it your way," he whined as his shoulders slumped. "My scooter's just a piece of junk anyway."

"And?" Kim wondered aloud, not voicing her thought that Ron had just stated the obvious.

"You want to go everywhere in your car!" he said.

"And this is bad why?" Kim asked before adding in her most seductive voice, "You know, Ron, we can now go places we could never go on your scooter – like the bluff overlooking Lake Middleton …"

"B-bluff," Ron stammered as he tugged at his collar.

"Mmmm hmmm," Kim replied as she walked her fingers up his arm and to his ear.

"B-badical," he croaked.

"So, then, why is it a problem if we drive my car everywhere?" she asked in a singsong voice.

"Because," Ron blurted out without thinking, "It's emasculating me!"

Kim's fingers abruptly stopped their exploring.

"Excuse me?" she asked, all thoughts of bluffs and Lake Middleton rapidly receding into the distance.

"Kim, Kim, Kim," Ron explained, "If I'm seen driving around town in your car what will everyone think?"

"That we're a couple in a kickin' car?" she retorted.

"No!" he exclaimed, his mouth now fully disengaged from his brain. "They'll say that Ron Stoppable is a kept man!"

"Really," Kim said flatly. "Right now I'm thinking they might say he's a crazy man."

"Okay, let me ask you a question."

"Shoot," she said, her arms crossed across her chest.

"Will you let me drive your car?" he asked.

Kim stared at Ron as if he'd just grown a second head. Given how many times he had to take his road test before he'd finally, barely, passed, it was a not unreasonable reaction on the teen hero's part. "Ron, you know how much I care about you, don't you?"

"Yeah."

"That I think you're the best BF in the world?"

"Well, yeah," he said.

"Then please don't take it the wrong way if I say I am so not letting you drive my car again."

"I knew it!" Ron said feeling equal measures of vindication and indignation.

"You drove my car into the harbor!" Kim countered.

"Look, I thought Jim and Tim said it had acquatic capability," he replied defensively.

"And what about the second time?"

"It was an honest mistake?"

"Ron, do you know what auto insurance costs for a guy under the age of twenty-five? Especially one who set the all-time Middleton High record for number of attempts needed to get his license?"

"Kim, how many times do I have to tell you, Barkin moved that building!" he explained. "Besides, this is about something more important than Claude!"

"Really?" she asked. "Do tell."

"You just don't get the whole mojo between men and wheels, do you? The guy has to drive the girl. If I keep letting you drive me around, it'll be like giving up a part of my manhood!"

"I cannot believe I'm hearing this," Kim said as she flung out her arms. "You are so seriously flawed."

"Am not!" Ron snapped back. "You know, KP, if I let myself be a passenger, now that I've been a driver, it could have serious effects on my Essential Ronness!"

Kim pursed her lips in thought, then came to a decision.

"Okay, Ron, I'm going to make this one easy for you: it's me or your scooter."

Ron blinked. "You mean …"

"That's right," she said. "I'm so tired of putt-putting around on that thing, showing up at school and having to listen to Bonnie go on about my messed-up hair or getting soaked when it rains on our way home from the movies …"

"KP," Ron whined, "that only happened once. Well, okay, twice. Unless you count the hail storm …"

"… But if riding your scooter is more important than this," Kim leaned in and brushed her lips against his, "that's your choice and I'll respect it."

Ron's shoulders slumped; he knew he'd lost. "Fine," he sighed. "We'll use your car."

"Smart boy," Kim said as she gave Ron a peck on the cheek. "Now how about we go to the Bueno Nacho drive-thru. My treat?"

"Well, I guess I could use some snackage," Ron said as he tried to muster some enthusiasm.

II.

"Hey, Stoppable," Jason Morgan said as he punched the blond sidekick's arm. "Saw you cruising again in Possible's car."

"Yeah?" Ron replied warily. Years of unwanted experience as the object of teasing told him he was in for some major ribbing.

"So, she ever let you drive?" Steve Farley asked as he elbowed Ron.

"Well …" Ron said haltingly.

"Is it true she makes you wear an apron when you go on those missions?" Kevin Guberman asked, sparking raucous laughter from the three team leaders, who headed down the hall – but not until Jason called over his shoulder, "Have a nice day … Mr. Possible!"

Ron seethed. Being teased by the captains of the basketball and baseball teams was one thing. But to be mocked by the captain of the chess team!

That vexed him so.

III.

Ron waved, then watched as Kim drove off. He had to admit that going to school in Kim's car was better than going on his old scooter, especially during that morning's inclement weather. But as he watched his BFGF's car turn the corner, he longed for a vehicle of his own.

_I ought to be dropping KP off_, Ron told himself. _It's part of being a man._

Unfortunately for Ron, he couldn't see how the situation was going to change anytime soon. There was no way his Smarty Mart paycheck would cover the purchase price of a car, especially if he wanted to have some money for dates with Kim. Regretting, once again, the fact that he'd squandered his Naco royalties, he resigned himself to driving his old scooter, which had lost whatever cool factor it had gained after the Diablo incident when his mother insisted that he remove the rockets.

Deepening Ron's funkage, he was on his own for the rest of the day. Kim had to go to her Cousin Larry's for Game Night, and while Ron was always welcome and would have happily gone, he had to baby-sit his sister that evening while their 'rents attended an Actuarial Association dinner meeting.

Ron, having tucked his sister into bed for a nap, went to the kitchen, grabbed some popcorn and a soda, and returned to the living room, where he was soon joined by Rufus.

"So, you up for some gaming action, little buddy?" Ron asked.

"Bring it," the naked mole rat squeaked.

Ron activated the video game – _Road Warrior VI: Parking Lot of Doom_ – and was soon being crushed by Rufus. Much to the teen's chagrin, his little pink friend was defeating him by an even wider-than-usual margin. Ron realized he just couldn't get his mind off his car – or lack thereof – situation.

IV.

"Huh, I wonder who that is?" Ron said to Rufus as the doorbell chimed.

"I dunno," the mole rat squeaked as he shrugged his tiny shoulders.

Ron paused the game, affording Rufus the chance to scarf down some more popcorn, and went to greet the unknown visitor.

He was surprised, to say the least, when he opened the door to find …

"Jack Hench?" Ron said, before dropping into his best defensive pose. "I don't know what you want, dude, but you better not mess with my mad fu skills!"

The provider of quality gear to the villain community chuckled and held up his hands, palms open to Ron. "You crazy kids," he said. "I don't want anything."

"No?" a confused Ron replied.

"No," the smooth huckster said. "In fact, I have something for you!"

"Huh?"

"That's right! You're the lucky winner of a brand-new Henchco Conquistador 9000."

Rufus scampered over and climbed onto Ron's shoulder.

"How could I … Wait," Ron said brightly, "Is this from that card I left at your booth at the Go City Evil Expo?"

"It is indeed!" Hench enthused.

"Wow, this sounds badical, but could you remind us what a conquistawhoozits is in case Rufus doesn't remember."

"Hey!" the naked mole rat, who was fully conversant in all of Henchco's products, protested indignantly.

"Why, it's only the most advanced mobile armored weapons system platform in the world! Here, let me show you," Hench said as he took Ron's arm and led him outside.

Ron's eyes opened wide as he saw the hulking (and shiny) vehicle parked in front of his house.

"That has got to be the coolest thing I've ever seen!" he exclaimed.

"Impressive, isn't it?" Jack Hench asked.

"Impressive?" Ron said as ran to the oversized vehicle, which he began to stroke lovingly. "It hurricane rocks!"

"I'm glad you think so," Hench said. "I hope you enjoy it."

"Oh I will," Ron said before an unwanted question popped into his head. "What kind of mileage does this thing get? Gas is kind of expensive, you know."

"Infinite," Hench said.

"Uh, I'm not much of a numbers guy," Ron said.

"It runs on a miniature fusion reactor," Hench explained. Seeing the puzzled look on Ron's face, he added, "It never runs out of fuel."

"Coolio!" Ron exclaimed.

"And, seeing that you are a budget-conscious young man," Hench added, "I'm happy to tell you that this vehicle comes with pre-paid insurance from Henchco Financial and a cash bonus to cover any taxes."

Ron may not have been in line to be the next president of Middleton's chapter of the Cerebellum Ultra-Smart Super Genius Thinking Society, but he was able to grasp what Hench was telling him. "So basically you're telling me that this thing is mine, totally cost free?"

"As long as you don't park at an expired meter," Hench said with a chuckle.

"Ha ha! Good one!" Ron said as he beamed at his new wheels.

"Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to get a picture of you and your prize," Hench said as he deposited a set of keys in the palm of the excited teen's hand.

Ron, with Rufus on his shoulder, posed in front of the Conquistador as Hench took some pictures.

"Well, have a nice day," Hench said after he was done. "And drive safely!"

"Will do," Ron said as Hench turned to leave.

"Oh, would you mind signing this for me?" Hench asked innocently as he handed a form to Ron.

"What is it?" the teen asked.

"Just the usual documentation transferring the title to you," the businessman said with a toothy grin. "Nothing you really need to worry about. Really. You can trust me."

V.

"Hola, Clan Possible," a jaunty Ron Stoppable said as he entered the kitchen of his second family.

"Hello, Ronald," James said as he sipped his coffee.

"Good morning, Ron," Ann added. "Would you like some pancakes?"

"I'd love some, Mrs. Dr. P, but this morning I'm going to have to pass because I'm planning on taking my badical GF out to the Red Skiff for breakfast."

"Really?" Kim asked as she came into the kitchen and gave Ron a kiss on the cheek before adding teasingly, "So you don't mind being seen in my car?" The Red Skiff, a tri-city favorite for generations, was all the way in Upperton's College Town neighborhood; Kim knew they wouldn't be walking to the eatery.

"Actually, Kimbo, I thought we'd go in my car."

"You got a car?" she asked excitedly. "When?"

"Last night," Ron said proudly. "It's out front."

"Show me!" Kim ordered as she grabbed Ron by the hand and led him out of the house. Kim's parents and brothers, all curious, followed.

James whistled admiringly. "Is that a Mark VII plasma cannon?" he asked.

"Can we go for a ride?" Jim asked.

"And blow something up?" Tim added. "Please?"

"Well, you shouldn't have problems with people trying to cut you off in traffic," Mrs. Dr. P deadpanned.

Kim stared at the armored vehicle. She was speechless.

"So, what do you think?" Ron asked as he wrapped an arm around his girlfriend.

"It's … big," she finally said. "Ferociously big."

"And it's all mine!" Ron crowed. "All because of you!"

"What?" a stunned Kim exclaimed.

"Yup! If you hadn't told me to stop putting your name in contests and things, I wouldn't have put my name into the Hencho Raffle at the Evil Expo in Go City!"

"Whoa! You got that from Jack Hench?"

"Yeah, so what?"

"Hello, Ron! Jack Hench. The villain industry's number one supplier!"

Ron frowned at Kim. "What's your point, KP?"

"My point, Ron, is that we should be calling Global Justice and having them take this thing away …"

Ron's eyes opened wide; he assumed a protective stance in front of his Conquistador 9000. "Nobody's taking my baby away!" he cried defiantly.

"Fine. Whatever," Kim said, exasperated.

"Good," Ron said. "So, you ready to go for breakfast?"

"Not in that," Kim said. "I am so not going to be seen driving around in a Hencho car."

Ron glared at Kim through narrowed eyes. Kim stared back. An uneasy silence descended on the two teens. Then Ron's face lit up.

"I know what's going on," he said. "You just have to be in charge."

"Ron! That's so not true!" Kim snapped.

"Oh really? First you won't ride on my hunk-of-junk scooter and now you won't ride my state-of-the-art multi-system mobile urban warfare platform."

"Ron, your scooter's as old as Nana and your tank came from a villain!"

"Fine, KP," Ron said huffily, his arms crossed. "Be that way. If my wheelage isn't good enough for you, I'll just see if anyone else is interested in going out to breakfast."

Much to Kim's dismay, James, Jim, and Tim all eagerly raised their hands and began clamoring for a ride in Ron's new wheels.

VI.

Kim sank further into her beanbag chair, the perfect place for sulking. Lost in her thoughts, the teen hero didn't notice her mother appear in her loft.

"Something bothering you, Kimmie?" Mrs. Dr. P asked.

"I wanted to go to the mall, but Ron's out cruising in his tank again."

"Well, maybe you can go with someone else. I'm sure the boys would like to go the arcade."

"Mom!" Kim protested. Kim didn't know what seemed less attractive about the prospect of driving the tweebs in her car: the uncool factor of chauffeuring her little brothers or the very real probability that they'd somehow modify the vehicle during the fifteen-minute trip to the tri-city area's favorite shopping emporium.

Mrs. Dr. P smiled. "Well, how about going with Monique or Tara?"

"Mom," Kim whined. "It's not the same thing. Ron's my BF. We're supposed to do stuff together …"

"And?" Mrs. Possible wondered.

"… And now all he wants to do is drive around with Wade and Felix or Dad and the Tweebs! He even took Mr. Barkin for a ride!"

"And this is a problem?"

"Well, yeah!" Kim said. "He should be driving around with _me_!"

"He did offer to take you out the other day, Kim."

"Mom, I will so not ride around in that villainmobile," Kim said huffily.

"So what you're saying is that Ron should be driving around with you in your car," Mrs. Dr. P said.

"Thank you! Finally, someone is seeing reason," Kim declared, as she looked heavenward.

Mrs. Dr. Possible looked at her eldest child for a moment before she asked her next question. "Honey, is it the fact that Ron's driving a Henchco tank that's bothering you, or is there something else?"

"What? I don't know what you mean," Kim said.

"Is the problem really what Ron's driving or that he's enjoying doing something without you?"

The teen hero shifted uncomfortably in her seat, prompting a knowing smile from her mother.

"Kim, Ron's a young man with his first adult vehicle. It's a special time for him. But that doesn't mean he cares about you any less."

"If that's true, then why would he rather be in that stupid tank than with me?" she huffed.

"Kimmie, I remember the first time your father worked his first rocket launch. He just seemed to disappear. I was angry at first, and thought he didn't care about me, but then he'd come home and dote on me like he always did. I finally realized that your dad was just excited about his new toy."

"But that tank is such a guy thing – and Ron's never been about guy things!" Kim complained.

"And I remember when you said Ron wasn't a guy …"

Kim looked at her mother with suspicion, wondering where the older woman was going with her observation.

"… But the way I've seen you two kiss," Mrs. Dr. P said impishly, "you seem to have changed your mind about that."

"Your point being?" Kim mumbled as she turned beet red.

"Maybe if you realized Ron's a guy, you can realize he might like guy things … like massive, overpowered vehicles."

"Well …"

"By the way, he did have a point the other day when he said you liked to be in charge."

"Mom!"

"Are you going to deny it?" Mrs. Dr. P asked with wry grin.

"Well, no," Kim said sheepishly.

"Kimmie, I know how you feel about villains, but maybe you should consider going for a ride with Ron. Let him be macho for once. I bet it would really mean the world to him."

Kim pursed her lips in thought. It just seemed so ferociously wrong to be driving a vehicle provided by Jack Hench. But Ron did seem to win it fair and square. And she was his GF after all …

"You know what, Mom?" Kim said. "You're right."

The teen hero gave her a mother a hug, then picked up her phone to call her BFBF.

VII.

"What is it, boss?" a squat henchman with a pompadour asked his boss. "You'se looking pretty excited."

"That's because I am," Motor Ed said as he did a riff on his air guitar.

"How come? Is there a new hoagie shop in town?"

"Dude, this is seriously bigger than a hoagie," Motor Ed said as he shoved a brochure into his colleague's face.

"A tank?" the little man asked.

"Dude, it's not just a tank. It's the most righteous set of wheels ever built!"

"So, you'se going to buy one?"

"Dude, buying things is so totally bogus."

"Ah, so how about we boost one?"

"Now you're talking, bro!"

"Awesome! So where we gonna find one?"

Motor Ed thrust another piece of paper at his associate.

"'You'se could be our next winner'," he read aloud before looking up at his boss. "I don't get it."

"Bro, Red's skinny dude has one," he said, pointing to the picture of Ron posing in front of his Conquistador 9000. "We just have to make sure she's not around …"

"And we'll be cruisin' down the Turnpike!" the henchman said enthusiastically.

"Yeahhhhhhh!" Motor Ed responded as he shredded his air guitar.

_TBC …_


	2. Road Rage

My thanks to whitem, spectre666, AtomicFire, Nightwing 509, CajunBear73, daywalkr82, Uru Baen, mkusenagi2, campy, Yankee Bard, johnrie18, Josh84, surforst, Matri, JeanieBeanie33, Akinyi, Commander Argus, conan98002, Dr. J0nes, Joe Stoppinghem, Lonestarr, Molloy, TexasDad, The Mad shoe 1, Desslock3, and Comet Moon for reviewing and everyone for reading.

Special thanks and a set of new cyber-radials to campy for his beta and proof work.

Leave a review, get a response. Seriously.

If you saw it on _KP_, it belongs to Disney.

* * *

I. 

"Me? Help you out? You have got to be kidding me! Get yourself another ornament!" Shego screamed into the phone before she ended the call. "Loser!"

II.

Motor Ed sighed. Apparently, Shego was still ripped over the Kepler business, though he didn't understand why. He was still sure that any sane babe would have been amped to cruise cross-country at hypersonic speed. And the outfit he'd picked out for her really had rocked …

III.

"Hey, KP!" Ron said to the smiling visage on the monitor on the Conquistador's communications console. "What up with my bon-diggity GF?"

"Your bon-diggity GF wants to know if you'd like to take her for a ride in your new wheels," she said.

Ron blinked twice, then reminded himself to keep an eye on the road. "Really?"

"Uh huh," she said. "I thought you could take me to J.P. Bearymore's."

It took Ron a moment to process what he'd just heard. Kim had just asked him to take her to the grand reopening of the Home of Burnt Pizza Smell …

"Best. Girlfriend. Ever!" he exulted. "I'm on my way!"

"Spankin'," Kim said. "See you soon!" she added as she blew her BF an air kiss.

IV.

"What are you doing here?" Shego snapped.

"Just listen to me, She-babe," Ed begged, as he stuck his foot into the lair's door. "I need your help. Seriously."

"Call Adrena Lynn," she snarled. "I don't do arm candy."

"But you do fight Red, right?" Ed asked, slicking back his hair as he tried to be suave.

"Red? You mean Kim Possible?" Shego asked, her curiosity piqued.

"Yeah," Ed answered. "Seriously."

"Okay, you've got my attention," Shego said, still not looking wholly convinced about the wisdom of talking to her visitor. "But this better be good."

"Oh, it will be good. Righteously good. Seriously."

V.

"Where are you?" Kim asked her BF. "I thought you'd be here half an hour ago."

"Sorry, KP," Ron said apologetically. "We're stuck in traffic …"

Rufus blew a raspberry to show how he felt about the vehicular logjam in which he and his human were trapped.

"… Because of an overturned truck."

"Was anybody hurt?" Kim asked as her ingrained desire to help others kicked in.

"Nah, but the giant monkey's down for the count."

"You didn't just say giant monkey, did you?"

"I did indeed," Ron said. "And it's staring at me and it's sick and wrong!"

"Is Monkey Fist there?" Kim asked.

"No, why would he be?" Ron replied.

"Uh, giant monkey?" the teen hero retorted, though she realized it was possible she wasn't being fair to her BFBF. DNAmy could also be responsible for a super-sized simian.

"Oh, monkey dude's not real," he explained. "It's concrete. You know, I could just blast it …"

"Ron, you will not blast the giant monkey!" Kim declared.

"Aww, c'mon, KP," he whined. "You know, I think that could help me deal with some of my monkey issues."

"Ron, get your head in the game," Kim demanded. "If you blast it, you buy it. And I am so not going back to the coupon book for our dates because you're paying off some monkey's uncle."

"Great," Ron groused. "You're doing it again."

"And 'it' would be?" Kim asked.

"Being sensible," he explained.

"It's what I do," she said.

"I thought you helped people?" Ron replied.

"I do that, too," she admitted.

"How about kiss your BF?" he asked with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

"Def do that," Kim said with a grin. "It's a perk of saving the world, after all."

VI.

Motor Ed and his gang deftly maneuvered their motorcycles through the stalled traffic.

"Sweet," the mulleted villain said as he espied the hulking form of the Conquistador.

VII.

Ron was slumped back in his seat. "Stupid monkey," he grumbled as he looked out the forward viewport. "There ought to be a law against things like that."

"Uh huh!" Rufus agreed.

"Well, as long as we're stuck here, how about some gamage?"

"Bring it," the mole rat squeaked.

"Okay, what'll it be, _Space Squid_ or _Zombie Mayhem_?" the teen asked his diminutive friend.

"Oooo hooo!" Rufus enthused. "Zombies!"

"Zombie action it is, then," Ron said as he entered a series of commands that brought up _Zombie Mayhem Special Edition: Knights of the Living Dead _on the Conquistador's tactical systems monitor. He then tossed a wireless controller to his little friend. "Prepare to watch the master," Ron declared confidently.

Rufus responded by rolling his eyes.

VIII.

Kim was reading _Spirit Squad Weekly_ when the front bell rang. She set down her magazine, walked to the foyer, and opened the door.

"Hiya, Princess!" the unexpected visitor said.

"Shego!" Kim hissed as she dropped into a defensive crouch. "What are you doing here?"

The glamorous villain smirked. "Give it a break, Cupcake. We need to talk."

"Why?" Kim, still poised for battle, asked suspiciously.

"Because," Shego answered, "Right now, you've got a problem."

"Excuse me?" Kim said, now confused.

"You heard me. You've got a problem, Princess," Shego said as she jabbed her index finger at Kim. "Lucky for you, I'm here to help you solve it."

Kim looked at her long-time foe through narrowed eyes. "And you would do that why?"

"As hard as it is to believe, Kimmie," Shego said acidly, "you are not the most annoying person in my life right now …"

"Gee, thanks," Kim said as she finally began to relax. "I'm so flattered."

"… That title currently goes to Motor Ed," Shego continued with venom as she pushed her way past Kim and into the Possible abode. "You got any cold drinks?"

"Look, Shego," Kim said sharply, "I don't know what your sitch is, but I so don't have time for it. Ron's picking me up—"

"Actually, that's your problem," the beautiful henchwoman said as she dropped down onto the couch and crossed her legs. "A Slurpster would hit the spot, by the way."

"Shego! You were talking about Motor Ed a moment ago. What's Ron got –" Kim's eyes opened wide. "The Conquistador!"

"Bingo," Shego said. "Motor Ed's decided he wants your sidekick's wheels. And he's not planning on asking nicely."

"And so you're here why?" Kim asked, her weirdar pinging.

"Mulletboy wanted me to distract you while he jacked Stoppable's tank," Shego explained.

"But instead you're telling me about Motor Ed's plan so I can stop him," Kim said. "This is so ferociously weird."

"I'll give you that, Princess. But helping you is worth it if I get to stick it to Motor Ed. I want some payback for that whole Jersey chick outfit he had me wear. I still can't believe he conned me into wearing that stupid disguise …"

"Come on," Kim said as she yanked Shego by the arm and ran towards the door. "We need to find Ron."

IX.

"Booyah! Take that!" Ron said enthusiastically as he pumped his fist into the air after blasting another zombie into oblivion.

"Don't mind if I do, bro," Motor Ed said as he snatched the controller, then grabbed Ron's wrist and pulled him out of his seat, which one of Ed's henchman quickly occupied while another one quickly scooped up Rufus and caged him.

"Hey!" the mole rat protested, to no avail.

"Something tells me you're not here to ask for a ride to the mall," Ron said as Motor Ed's thugs began tying him up, "are you?"

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"The answer to that, Skinny Dude, is 'No'. We are here to make sure these righteous wheels are used the way they were meant to be used: Extremely," Motor Ed said before he began shredding his air guitar. "Yee – aaaaaaaaahhhh!"

"Kim is so going to kill me," Ron muttered.

X.

"Get in!" Shego demanded as she settled in behind the controls of her vehicle.

"I am so not going to be seen flying around Middleton in your hover car!" Kim said as she stood with her hands on her hips. "We'll take the Sloth."

"Listen, Kimmie. Here's the score: There's a tie-up on the Interstate that Drakken could only have dreamed of creating. Your little Princessmobile won't get us anywhere near your sidekick."

"That's where you're wrong, Shego," Kim countered as she turned and walked to the garage. Looking over her shoulder, the teen added, "My car flies."

"Really?" the henchwoman asked, impressed.

"Mmm hmmm," Kim replied smugly.

Shego, curious, climbed out of her flying car and joined Kim, who was raising the garage door.

The two women entered the garage, then climbed into the Sloth.

"You know, Princess, you ever decide to go evil, you'll be set," Shego said as she looked around the car's cabin in frank admiration. "Doctor D would have killed for tech like this. Did Nerdlinger build this for you?"

"No, my brothers," Kim said as she checked her mirrors and adjusted her seatbelt.

"They could really give Jack Hench a run for his money," Shego observed to herself as she ran her finger over the center console.

"Do not give them any ideas," Kim said as she contemplated the prospect of her brothers becoming suppliers to the Evil Community. Forcing the image of Jim and Tim making a fortune from equipping her enemies from her mind, the teen hero started the ignition and pulled out into the driveway. Then she reached over to the glovebox and opened the door before flipping a toggle.

Nothing happened.

"That's strange," Kim said as she looked at the instrument panel. "Why aren't we flying?"

Shego smirked. "You sure Drakken didn't build this thing for you?"

The auburn-haired teen glared at her passenger, then activated the on-board Kimmunicator.

"Kim, is that Shego in your car?" a surprised Wade asked.

"Hey, Nerdlinger," the henchwoman said in a sultry voice. "How about you and me take in a movie and Bueno Nacho this Saturday night?"

Wade spat out his Slurpster, covering his monitor with soda.

"Shego!" Kim snapped.

Shego smiled with satisfaction. "Looks like your computer guy's finally started noticing girls."

"Uh, yeah, right," Wade sputtered, trying not to look too flustered. "So, what up?"

"I need to talk with the Tweebs," Kim said.

"Okay, I'll put you through," Wade said.

"Please and thank you," Kim replied.

The tech guru's image was replaced by that of Jim and Tim, who were at the Space Center working with their father on a project.

"Jim, Tim, my car can't fly!" Kim complained.

"Oops. Our bad. We forgot to tell you …" Jim said.

"… But Dad needed the thrust controllers for Project Goddard." Tim added.

"Hi, Kimmie-cub," James said with a warm smile which quickly turned to a scowl when he saw Shego. "Is that the circus person who stole Project Kepler with you? You know how I feel about show folk."

"Show folk?" Shego growled as her glow power enveloped her clenched fists. "Did he just call me a clown?"

"Dial down the outrage, Shego," Kim said before answering her father. "Dad, it's no big, she's a villain, not a clown."

"Oh, well that's a different matter," he said genially. "You two kids have a good day!"

"Is he for real?" Shego asked. "I thought rocket scientists were supposed to be smart."

"Watch it," Kim said dangerously.

"Okay, okay," Shego said as she held up her hands to ward off Kim. "So, Princess, hover car?"

"Hover car," Kim grumped as she undid her seatbelt and opened her door.

XI.

They were words that Ron Stoppable never thought he'd hear pass his lips: "No! Not the monkey!" he yelled frantically. "Don't hurt the monkey!"

"That was so totally righteous!" Motor Ed exclaimed after he'd used the Conquistador's particle weapon to vaporize the concrete sculpture that was blocking the road. Much to the rogue mechanical engineer's satisfaction, a lusty cheer went up from the drivers of the until-moments-ago stopped cars, who were now able to resume their travels.

"Aw, man, I'm going to have to work double shifts until I'm 90 to pay off that thing," Ron complained as they sped by the billowing cloud of dust that was all that remained of the mammoth monkey.

"Heh heh," Motor Ed replied as he pressed the accelerator. "That's not the only thing you're going to be paying off, bro!"

XII.

"Well, at least it should be easy to find them," Shego observed breezily.

Starting from the scorched pavement that was all that remained of the concrete monkey, the Conquistador had cut an easily followed path of destruction through the Tri-City area. Blasted billboards, felled trees, the fifth hole at the Middleton Mini-Golf had all been subjected to the awesome power of the world's most advanced multi-mission urban warfare vehicle (which just happened to have cup holders capable of accommodating a Super Sized Slurpster).

Shego looked over to see Kim sitting quietly, her jaw set, her fists clenched.

"He is so busted," the teen hero muttered.

"Whoa, Cupcake, Motor Ed's mine!" Shego snapped. "I still can't believe that loser broke me out of jail because of some stupid fantasy road trip."

"I'm not talking about Squirrelhead," Kim explained. "I'm talking about Ron."

Shego smirked. "Awww. Trouble in teen romance land?"

Kim stared at Shego through narrowed eyes, then slumped back into her seat. "Have you ever had to pretend you were twelve?"

"Excuse me?"

"Ron's going to be paying for this mess forever," Kim explained as she surveyed the debris. "And that means he's going to start using the coupon book again for our dates. Which means ordering off the kids' menu …"

"You could always dump him and get a new boy toy," Shego said.

"Not going to happen," Kim said.

"I don't get it," Shego said. "He's always losing his pants, he's dopey …"

"And he's the best BF a girl could ever want," Kim said, her tone making clear to Shego that the auburn-haired young woman was and would remain a Ron-woman teen hero.

"You really like him, don't you?" Shego observed.

"Yeah, I do," Kim said as her frown turned into a smile. "He's weird, but he's cute and more important, he's my guy."

"Sure took long enough," Shego said as she shook her head at the indulgent, affectionate look on her nemesis' face. "You know, I still remember the way he freaked out the time he broke into Drakken's lair without you. I asked where you were and he babbled on about you not being his girlfriend. Man, was it obvious he had the hots for you …"

Kim squirmed at the thought of Shego recognizing Ron's feelings for her before she did.

"… I almost felt bad for the buffoon when you went gaga over Eric."

Kim's sunny disposition was suddenly displaced by something far stormier. "You so don't want to go there …" she said as her eyes flashed menacingly.

Shego had last seen a similar expression on Kim's face the night of the Diablo attack, after she and Ron had broken free. "Nah, I probably don't," the henchwoman agreed, recalling what her encounter with the signal tower had done to her hair. "Though you've got to give Drakken his props. He played you like a deck of cards."

"I know," Kim scanning the horizon, "And in a weird way, I owe him."

"Come again?"

Kim explained what had happened in the storeroom that fateful night.

"That's so sweet," Shego cooed mockingly. "The best friends save the world and find true love."

"Pretty much," Kim said dreamily, ignoring Shego's tone. Then the teen hero saw the smoking remains of Mr. Fudgie's and had visions of an endless succession of kids' menus. "But I am still so going to kill him."

XIII.

"Not Mr. Fudgie's!" Ron wailed. "Have you no heart? The place is an institution!"

"Sorry, bro, but once, when I was a kid, I was here visiting Cousin Drew and, like, Drew's mom took us there and this kid behind the counter looked at me funny," Motor Ed explained to his disbelieving captive. "Seriously."

"Hey, boss, I'm getting hungry," the small, pompadour-wearing henchdude said. "You think we can get a hoagie?"

"So, Skinny Dude, you know where we can get a hoagie?" Motor Ed asked.

"A hoagie?" an incredulous Ron replied. "You're blowing up my home town and you want me to tell you where to get a hoagie?"

"Yeah," Motor Ed said.

"Are you serious?"

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"Yeah," Motor Ed said. "Seriously."

"Well, I have just one thing to say to that," Ron replied defiantly. "What's a hoagie?"

"Don't be playing me, bro," the mulleted villain said. "I know you've been to Jersey."

"Uh, I wasn't exactly looking for your hoagie thingie," Ron, now peeved, said. "I was trapped in a box, remember, then KP, Felix and I were kicking your biscuit."

"I thought Red and the dude in the righteous wheelchair kicked my biscuit and you ran around screaming."

"I was playing an important supporting/distraction role, thank you very much," Ron said haughtily before asking, "Now, what's a hoagie?"

"You seriously don't know what a hoagie is?" Motor Ed asked in horrified amazement.

"That's what I've been trying to say, dude," Ron snapped, hoping he was never confined with his mullet-wearing captor for an extended period of time. "Seriously."

"That is so righteously wrong," Motor Ed said. "It's only like the most awesome food on the planet!"

"Yeah, all that meat and onions and lettuce and cheese in a big roll …" added the henchman, mouth watering.

"Oh, you mean a sub!" Ron said brightly.

"That's what I said, bro."

"No, you said a hoagie."

"Uh, huh, hoagie," Rufus agreed.

"That's a sub, Little Dude," Motor Ed said to the naked mole rat.

"Nuh uh," Rufus countered.

"He's right," Ron said. "A sub's a sub. A hoagie's …"

"Uh, boss," the diminutive thug interrupted.

"What?" Ed snapped. "I'm trying to educate Skinny Dude and Little Dude here …"

"Boss, it looks like we've got company," the little henchman said as he pointed at the monitor.

"Whoa!" Motor Ed said. "It's She-babe and Red! Together!"

"Admittedly, that isn't something you see every day," Ron observed. "I know I wouldn't want to be on their bad side."

"That is so wrong! Shego was supposed to distract Red, not work with her," Motor Ed whined. "What are they doing?"

"Getting ready to kick your can?" Ron asked helpfully.

"Nobody kicks the lion's can!" Ed said as he began entering a series of commands into the Conquistador's targeting system.

XIV.

"Well, that's not good," Shego said as the particle cannon swung around and targeted the hover car.

"I think it's time for us to hitch a ride," Kim suggested.

"I'm with you, Princess," the glamorous henchwoman agreed.

XV.

"You know, you really don't know how to treat the ladies, do you?" Ron said as he watched Ed take aim at Shego's hovercar.

"You, Skinny Dude, are wrong," Motor Ed declared. "The guy drives and the babe sits at his side and looks good and does NOT try to harsh his wheels. It's part of the Dude Code. Seriously."

Ron looked at Motor Ed, then at Rufus, as he had a flashback to his conversation with Kim about wheelage. "Man, am I a dope!" the tow-headed teen said, wishing his hands were free so he could slap his forehead. He wondered if he'd sounded as ridiculous as his mulleted captor when he'd first made a stink to Kim about being a passenger in her car.

XVI.

"Good thing that was stolen," Shego said as she and Kim, who had just landed beside her atop the Conquistador, watched a coruscating beam lance out from the cannon and destroy the flying car.

"Shego!" Kim exclaimed.

"What? You think I pay for those things?" Shego shot back. "I'm evil, remember?"

"I so can't believe I was flying in a stolen vehicle," a clearly upset Kim said.

"Get over it, Princess," Shego said as she turned the wheel on top of the hatch. "Besides, something tells me Drakken's not exactly going to be calling the cops to tell them someone made off with his hover car."

"That's so not the point," Kim protested. "It's still stealing."

"Fine, you want to turn yourself in for being an accessory to grand theft flying auto, be my guest. I'll even rat you out, if you like," Shego offered helpfully. "I'm sure you'll look good in prison orange, and if you're really lucky you'll get to bunk with Adrena Lynn."

Kim frowned. Prison, with or without Adrena Lynn, would not look good on her college applications, would most def cut down on her time with Ron, and would be so the drama as far as her world-saving activities were concerned. "Okay, maybe it's not stealing …" she said hesitantly.

Shego grinned wickedly.

" … Maybe it's just secret borrowing," the teen hero said softly.

"You know, there just may be hope for you yet, Princess," the supervillainess said with evident satisfaction as she lifted the hatch and dropped into the Conquistador.

XVII.

"Whoa!" Motor Ed cried out as Shego decked the little henchdude and made her way to Ron, who cringed as she raised a glowing hand and slashed.

"Chill out, Sidekick, I'm on your side today," Shego said after she freed Ron and turned her attention to another henchman.

"KP!" Ron cried out as his GF dropped in after the green-hued villain. Kim immediately ducked as one of Ed's goons threw a punch at her. She responded with a kick to the man's gut.

"Ron, can you stop this thing?" the teen hero asked as she fended off another thug.

"I'm on it, KP!"

"I don't think so, Skinny Dude," Motor Ed said. "Seriously."

"Well, I do. Seriously!" Ron shot back as he elbowed Ed.

As the two men struggled for control of the Conquistador, the vehicle began to swerve, sending Kim, Shego, and the remaining henchmen flying into a bulkhead.

"Give it up!" Ron demanded.

"Let go!" Motor Ed demanded.

"Ow!" Ron cried. "I'm going to need those!

"The mullet!" Ed panicked. "Don't mess with the mullet! Seriously!"

Kim and Shego extricated themselves from the pile of goons, rose to their feet – and were immediately pitched to the other side of the vehicle as the tank swerved violently once again.

"No wonder men pay more for insurance than women do," Shego grumbled.

"Tell me about it," Kim said. "Ron, stop fooling around!"

"You heard KP," Ron said to Motor Ed. "Stop fooling around."

"Red was talking to you, not me, bro," Ed said.

"I think it was more of a generic stop fooling around than a Ron-specific one."

"No, it was definitely aimed at you. Seriously."

"Was not."

"Was too."

"Was not."

"Was too!"

Kim and Shego once again got to their feet. The two women were making their way forward when they were once again thrown to the deck. As they hit the metal surface, the Conquistador lurched.

"We've stopped," Kim observed as she realized the Conquistador had stopped moving.

"Finally," Shego muttered.

"Ron, where are we?" Kim asked her BF.

Ron looked out the viewscreen and saw banks of video games, screaming patrons, and, on a stage, an animatronic band.

"Oh man," he said. "I'm going to be working triple time at Smarty Mart for the rest of my life …"

XVIII.

Ron watched as the Global Justice agents loaded the Conquistador onto the back of a flatbed. Kim placed a sympathetic hand on his shoulder.

"You'll have another car someday," she said reassuringly to her boyfriend.

"Yeah, but it'll never be the same," Ron said wistfully. "There's something magical about a guy's first set of wheels."

"You're not regretting turning the tank over to GJ, are you?" she asked.

"Wha? No!" Ron responded. "Keep the tank and go broke or give it to GJ and have them pay for all the damage? I may not be a math whiz, KP, but even I can do those numbers. I am one lucky Rondo, even if Jack Hench cancelled my personal services agreement."

Kim rolled her eyes. "I still so can't believe you signed that contract."

"Hey, I was caught up in the moment," he protested. "Besides, you've got to admit, that picture of me in the Henchco ad is a lot better than the one they show on the news."

"True," Kim agreed, though she was relieved the picture of Ron, no matter how flattering, would no longer appear in Jack Hench's advertisements: he was her partner in fighting the bad guys, after all, not just her boyfriend, and some things just wouldn't do. After a moment reflecting on Team Possible's good fortune in avoiding a PR nightmare, she added, "I'm sorry you were banned from J.P. Bearymore's."

"Yeah, well that does tank," Ron said as he watched the truck move down the street. "You just can't beat that burnt pizza smell."

"Riiigght," Kim said.

After the flatbed had turned the corner, the two teens walked over to the Sloth. "Here, catch," Kim said as she tossed the keys to Ron.

"What gives, KP?" he asked.

"I thought I'd let my BF drive this evening," she said.

Ron grinned, shook his head, then tossed the keys back to his clearly surprised BFGF. "Nah, I think I'll be the passenger today," he said as he climbed into his accustomed seat.

"But what about you being emasculated?" Kim asked as she slipped in behind the driver's wheel.

"Emasculated … Hmmm," Ron said. "If I recall, that's a school word. Doesn't it mean 'man enough to let his bon-diggity girlfriend give him rides'?"

The auburn-haired teen smiled at her tow-headed boyfriend. "I'm proud of you, Ron."

"Seriously?" he asked.

"Seriously," Kim said as she reached over, turned Ron's head, and brought her lips to his.

"So, where we going?" Ron asked as they broke the kiss.

"You'll see," she said mysteriously.

"Aww, c'mon, KP," Ron whined. "At least give me a hint."

"Well, we've spent a lot of time worrying about driving lately," Kim said as she pulled out into the street. "And I so think it's time for us to be thinking about more important things."

"Like what?" Ron asked.

The teen hero cast a romantic glance at her tow-headed BFBF and answered sweetly, "Parking."

"Parking?" Ron replied, confused. "I don't get it. Why would we …" The blond sidekick's eyes then opened wide. "Oooohhhh …"

_The End._


	3. Spare Tire

And now, the wholly optional, completely unnecessary, Season Four-inspired closing credits. Enjoy!

* * *

Thanks to calamite, CajunBear73, daywalkr82, campy, Pharoah Rutin Tutin, spectre666, Isamu, Josh84, Meca Vegeta, JeanieBeanie33, whitem, mkusenagi2, Desslock3, AtomicFire, Uru Baen, Ace Iam Combat, surforst, Akinyi, Molloy, Ultimate Naco Topping, and Numbuh 212 for reading and reviewing.

(p.s. If you saw it on _KP_, it belongs to Disney. Seriously.)

* * *

"So, She-babe not only helped Red take my wheels away, she ran off and left me to deal with the fuzz," Motor Ed, who was reclining on his bunk, complained. "That was so rank. Seriously."

"Ach, must ye keep saying that?" Duff Killigan asked.

"Say what?" Motor Ed replied.

"Seriously."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously!"

"Yeah," Motor Ed answered. "I must. Seriously."

Duff Killigan hid his head beneath his pillow.

"So, Dude," Motor Ed asked, "Why are you always wearing a dress?"

Killigan sat up, threw away his pillow, and glared at his cellmate. "How many times must I tell ye, laddie, it's not a dress! It's a kilt!"

"Whoa, chill out, bro," Motor Ed said as he held out hands defensively. "It's okay to wear a dress. A dude's gotta do what a dude's gotta do!"

"I kenna believe I am taking this guff from a man wi' a ponytail!" Killigan groused.

"The lion's mane is NOT a ponytail," Motor Ed exploded. "It's a righteous mullet!"

The villains' conversation was interrupted by the sound of their cell door opening.

"Okay, boys, amp down" a guard said as he entered. "We've got a new bunkie for you. She, I mean he, should fit right in."

"It vas NOT A DRESS!" Dementor raged as he was led into the cell. "It vas A HOUSECOAT!"

"Sure, buddy, you just keep telling yourself that," the first guard's companion said as he left the sputtering Teutonic villain behind with his two new roommates.

"Zis is an OUTRAGE!" Dementor bellowed. "You vill pay for ZIS!"

"You tell them, Little Dude," Motor Ed agreed. "Seriously!"

Dementor looked curiously at Motor Ed.

"That's one righteous goatee," the mechanical-engineer-turned-criminal opined as he noticed the pint-sized villain's chin hair. "But you should consider growing a mustache. Seriously."

"Vhat iz vith zis 'seriously'?" Dementor asked. "I am in need of zome explaining."

"Seriously?" Motor Ed replied.

"Zeriously," Dementor said.

"Seriously?" a disbelieving Killigan sputtered.

"Zeriously," Dementor answered as he adjusted his orange jump suit. "You know, zis prizonwear iz not that bad. Not az comfy as the housecoat, but it vill do …"

"You wear a housecoat?" Motor Ed asked.

"Sometimes," Dementor confessed.

"Seriously?" Motor Ed asked.

"Zeriously," Dementor said. "You should try wearing one."

"Seriously?"

"Zeriously."

"Ach! That's it!" The world's most dangerous incarcerated golfer bellowed as he rose to his feet and glared at his cellmates. "I'm a gonna kill ye both if ye don't stop it."

"Stop what, bro?" Motor Ed asked.

"Saying seriously!" Killigan shot back.

"Seriously?"

"Zeriously?"

"Seriously!"


End file.
